Larisa

Hmm.

2012-02-06T05:06:00.001-05:00

I believe that one day I will look back on these times, these weeks, and think, "If only you could've more easily understood why there had to be ebbs with the flow."

I'm sitting in the Munich airport waiting for my flight home. I've had 24 hours to let the weekend's events marinate. I'm disappointed. I've had high expectations of myself my entire life and I attribute a lot of my success to them.. they're too high sometimes, but they keep me going. However, at a time like this when I know I should be more composed and trusting, I'm finding it difficult. I know this week at home will help me reflect in a more realistic way and on the weekend when I fly back to Europe, I will have a bigger-picture mentality. The truth is, I had an incredible kickoff to my comeback that almost skewed the reality and definition of what coming back is all about. I was on the podium in my first week of racing and continued to do so on the European stage. But World Cup is like war... with trenches and helmets and duct tape and padding and preparation and passion. Ok, it's not quite like war. But my appreciation for what it takes to be a World Cup ski racer with consistency and confidence has heightened since my two-year hiatus. Technically, my skiing is sound. I am a better skier than I was before my injury. But I am not yet adjusted to the speed and anticipating terrain and the appropriate reactions at those speeds. I am learning and building and looking hard for the positives. Speaking of positives, here's some emo pictures I took last week. Except the last one, the last one's of me and Anja.. She's been really helpful and supportive throughout these last few weeks.

Ok. Time to fly home and hug Mom and Dad and kiss my cat 165 times.

Bridge

Fridge

Friend

A weekend in St. Moritz

2012-01-22T10:17:00.001-05:00

Another race day in the bank. The emotion of the race has subsided and I do recognize that each day, each race, each finish is helping me reach my goal of being the fastest female ski racer in the world. I know it's a big goal but I know I'm on a good path. Today wasn't the result I was looking for but it was definitely the weather :) St. Moritz gets 288 days of sun a year and we got one today. It was beautiful. My mom and I talked on the phone last night and she asked me to post more pictures. Here's a couple, Mom. Love you.

Sunrise

Lili, Dave and I

And yesterday. Yesterday was a fill-up-your-bucket day. I had an incredible time, first time, watching a World Cup Bobsleigh race. I walked all along the track, the only natural track on the circuit. It was really something to be so close to these monsters rumbling down the hill. And my friend, Jesse Lumsden, was racing and greeted us at the finish. They placed 6th and he was disappointed but wore a big smile ever conscious of the big picture. So. I took some footage and put together a montage. Enjoy my take on the bobsleigh scene.

Eurotrip

2012-01-12T13:19:00.004-05:00

It's nice to be back in Europe. Back to Austria, Germany, Switzerland and Italy. Everything always seems to be 2-5 hours away here and we've definitely taken advantage of that. After landing in Zurich on Jan 3rd, we were in and out of four countries in 5 days. We decided against the trek to France because there was too much snow. The irony never gets old. So we headed to a couple GS races in Oberjoch, Germany... one of two were canceled due to, wait for it, too much snow. Next stop, the daunting Bad Kleinkirchheim that's been on the schedule staring at me for weeks. It would be my first downhill race and just my second day on the long boards in over two years. A personal bucket of challenges. A new-to-me track and bib #1 on the first day of training. It was understood that if I didn't feel comfortable, I didn't have to go through with it. Minutes before the start, I was still torn. It's a very fine line between feeling nervous because it's something that will, ultimately, be rewarding, or feeling nervous because it's just not right. I guess my indecisiveness pushed me out of the start. My technician, and angel-in-outdoorsman-disguise yelled, "Rise to the occasion!" All I thought on the first forty seconds of flats was, "Hell ya, what else am I going to do?!" It was fun, just like everyone said it would be. If nothing else, I got to go 100km/h and no ticket. But the following days of downhill got tougher. The track got slick and dark and I felt full-frontal fear. I knew racing down that I should want more speed, but I was opting out. My coaches have been telling me to 'give yourself a break', so I'm trying. But I'm keen to make sure I'm progressing forward also. I know I want the speed, but it has to be in sync with my confidence. It was so fun to be back in it though. Today I was 9th in the SuperG race and I know I have more to give. Just need more time to find that level of sanity, er, insanity, required to reach new heights in these disciplines :) You gotta be a little crazy. But like I said the other day, downhill is crazy but not doing one thing a day that scares you is crazier. I used to love hate ski racing, but now I just love it... because I will be forever recovered (mentally and physically) from my injury due, solely, to this incredible sport and this intense passion. So thanks, Europe, for being another page in my book. Next stop is Cortina, Italy for the World Cup SuperG. I'm psyched. I've been there a couple times and it's one of my favourite places to ski. And by ski, I mean, turn around on the chairlift and soak in the views. The Dolomites are something magical. Following Cortina, we're headed to St.Moritz, Switzerland for both the Europa and World Cup weeks. Then, home for a break to take in the, equally as magical, views of Georgian Bay from the Georgian Peaks chairlift. See you soon. Auf Weidersehen.

Ski Racing!

2011-12-09T22:36:00.000-05:00

I skied raced this week. I'm so happy. I worked harder than I ever thought possible and now I am doing again what I love the most, competing. But here's the behind-the-scenes of my first three starts...

I was pumped for the two weeks prior to racing and watching the World Cup weekend in Lake Louise was the icing on my preparation and inspiration to have a great race week. Monday we had a day of freeskiing on the race hill. It was supposed to be chill. I was a mess from the minute I woke up in the morning. Very stressed and too excited. It wasn't a good state. I was tense and irritable and pretending to be relaxed. A true mess. In the evening after our team meeting (after receiving my first race bib), I laid down in our make-shift gym and the self-imploding began. I was checked on by a couple of my coaches but didn't know what words to use other than denial.. "no, no, I'm good, thanks." I can't put into words how grateful I am that my mom came out to be with me this week. After surrendering and truly realizing that I couldn't tackle this alone, I called her. She gave me about 15 seconds to be tough and then offered to come down and meet me on the meeting room floor. So there we were, me laying on my back with tears pooling on the floor beside me and my mom sitting up, like the sturdy ship that she is, holding my hand and my pride. We spent the next hour and a half reminiscing over the last two years. We laughed and cried. We laughed about my dad attempting to keep things light and full of perspective by telling me that 'lots of kids don't even get dinner' and we cried about how few dinners I could even stomach with all the drugs I had to be on. It felt ironic to be so distraught over the completion of such an ugly chapter of my life. I didn't have an ounce of negativity or anger in my heart, but just a boat load of emotion. Mom and I, ceremoniously, said goodbye to the baby that was my injury and recovery and decided that I would have to brave the what-ifs of this next chapter. And if the last two years didn't make me brave, I don't know what would.

Tuesday was race day. I was still very stiff and nervous in the start and on the course. I made a tactical error on the first pitch and skied out. I was annoyed but not upset, just relieved to have that first start out of the way.

Wednesday was my second start. And my first finish. I got away with some hairy skiing because the course was set fairly easy but I was pumped to go through the finish line with a fifth place.

Thursday was my third start. I was wishing all afternoon the day before for bib #1. I had been starting 25th and 29th (luck of the draw, or lackthereof). When I got to meeting the night prior, I saw #1 and knew it was mine. I loved going first. There's no one to show the way, or give a course report. It's all about trust and confidence. I was so calm.. I thought possibly too calm when I yawned minutes before my start. But I've learned that it takes very little for me to get fired up and even just a good visual of a perfect turn will get my blood pumping. So I pushed hard, skied smart and skied to the win. :)

Life's a wild ride and I don't understand most of it, but right now, in the moment, I'm happy. Since I can remember, that's all I've ever wished for when I have candles to blow out or the clock says 11:11 or the chairlift stops at the tower... to be happy.

I owe my success to a long list of people and the outpouring of support in the last week has been so kind and not unnoticed. Thank you to everyone for continuing to follow my path and believing in me as a person and an athlete. Let's see where we can take this.

One step back, two steps forward

2011-11-25T22:38:00.001-05:00

I guess it's more like one step back, and one to the left, a long jump forward, then a step to the right and a little back, a single-leg leap back, then a triple jump forward. In one sentence, my summer was productive. I made some very big gains in short periods of time. I made a big physical gain throughout the month of October training in the gym. I succeeded at fitness testing in Calgary last month with some of my best tests to date. I continued to improve my skiing and even landed my first handful of jumps last week. I freeskied on my downhill skis, longest boards yet, just yesterday. The wind in my face felt nice again and, in an American Thanksgiving kind of way, I was thankful. With all that said, I have left my crew to be in Calgary to gently tackle an irritating back issue that has been relentless in the last week. So I write from my king bed at the Sandman with the Vanier Cup on in the background and my Dodge Avenger rental waiting in the parking lot to take me to all my appointments for the next four days. I think the magic potion will be far from magical. Feeling better will be the result of chiropractic care, physio, massage, hot baths, cold tubs, stretching and rest. And honey nut Cheerios. And my new favourite show, Storage Wars. And my new favourite novel, Game of Thrones. I had no intention after all the time I spent away from the ski racing regime to take another hiatus, even if it's just 4 days. But I cannot be productive and continue to excel feeling this way. So I'll continue to learn another layer of patience and smile because I know that when I have my health, I do my best.

Something that's exciting and very helpful is my shoulder patch this year.. Georgian Peaks! I didn't need to sew a patch on my jacket to understand the amount of support coming from my home ski club, but they really stepped up by purchasing that space. I look forward to the holidays when I can play in that familiar backyard again. But I want to earn that Christmas break. I plan to race the NorAm superG and GS races in Nakiska and Panorama in the next month. I have specific goals of skiing the way I've learned to ski this summer and applying my technical and positional changes. It's very clear that I'm a racehorse and want to go fast when the clock is ticking, but it's even more clear that I need to respect my progression and why it's in place. Man, I'm mature. No. I make mistakes every day and forget the plan altogether sometimes. I mean, I can't do it all the right way all the time. I probably went much too long without a good solid rest but now I know. Just like the st.bernard in the lobby at the Delta this morning. He peed on the fake Christmas tree, but how was he supposed to know he wasn't allowed to do that? He probably won't do it again because he got in a lot of trouble, but it just shows you... we all learn from our mistakes. Hopefully. Eventually.
Tomorrow there are World Cup races in Lake Louise and Aspen and I'm excited to watch some fast skiing. Twitter will be out of control.

Till next time.

I've been one-upped.

2011-10-13T16:16:00.000-04:00

My video is so amateur compared to Kelly's piece of art. She took clips throughout our time in Chile and put together this incredible montage. Check out THIS vid :)

http://vimeo.com/30497564

August - September - October

2011-10-09T10:44:00.000-04:00

New Zealand, Collingwood, Calgary, Owen Sound, Chile. Being back on the road is everything I wanted, but has taken some getting used to. In New Zealand, I think I brought enough clothes to open a boutique. In Chile, everything I brought fit on the window ledge. But besides my attire, or lackthereof, being on the road has physical and emotional side effects. My knee didn't enjoy the Chilian altitude at the beginning, but my heart increased in size with every sensation of a powerful turn on the snow. As long as I can maintain a balance... and isn't that the word for most everything. Both my mental and physical toughness is being challenged in all the right, fresh and healthy ways. It's not all a challenge, though. There's laughter. Cramping-in-my-stomach laughter. I love to laugh. And even more, I love to make people laugh. Our team is a hilarious mixed bag and I am always trying to be wittier. I guess that's yet another challenge. But if I'm not challenged, I cruise.

On Wednesday, I passed a challenge. I crashed my first big crash since my injury almost 2 years ago. I promised my coach I would dissect the fall and analyze why it happened, but I am happy. I'm happy because I'm in one piece. I completely yard-saled, and went on to do 4 more productive runs in the course. So, leaving Chile, I feel that I've made another leap ahead in this comeback. I'm accepting of my sensitivity and self-induced emotional roller coaster. I feel the highs and the lows, often daily, and continue to learn about myself and the environment I play in.

Next, I have some time at home to clean some laundry, get a little fitter and have some naps. I can feel that the race season is starting.. it's under my skin (in a good way). But I will remain focused on where I'm at in the master plan and why we are moving at this pace.

The link below is to a video that shows a bit of my progression in the last month. And the picture above was taken by Kelly, my teammate and fellow comeback kid. She has some incredible pictures worth checking out at kellyvanderbeek.com

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvD13X71OUg

Making do in Mount Hutt

2011-08-18T01:50:00.000-04:00

It's been almost a month in New Zealand and no lack of emotions. I mentioned in a post months before I was able to ski that golf provided me with the sensations I had missed since getting injured. I missed the focus, the struggle, the resilience, the success. I would say the difference between those feelings in skiing as opposed to golf is that you feel them all in a single 30 second course. When I first got back into training gates, Frank (my coach) said he could see the whites of my eyes through my goggles. It felt so fast and has definitely taken some adjusting. But I would say now, after a few weeks have passed, my eyes are normal size and I am starting to implement the things I am learning instead of just residing in survival mode. With that said, I have just had my 5th day off in a row due to too much snow. Isn't that ridiculous? I'm in a winter sport that needs snow to exist but if we have too much, we can't do it. We're trying to stay busy by diving into our books and watching movies and playing games. Today we played ultimate frisbee and I really tested my knee. I fell really awkwardly and had a big scare, but I'll be just fine with a bit of time. I think my knee felt a little forgotten. It was starting to act so normal and stopped needing so much extra attention so by pulling a stunt like today, it got care and ice and drugs and is happier now. But that's no way to be... we'll have to have a talk.

Anyway, on a sidenote, an important sidenote, it's National Brother Week. Well Shona said it was and she's knows everything in the whole wide world, so it must be. Harrison was the first Yurkiw kid. He was never a kid though. He was enunciating before he even exited the womb. But any child that had to be responsible for my other brother, Mitchell, and I had their work cut out for them. Harrison is passionate, intelligent, intuitive and creative. My brothers are two of the most talented people I know on so many levels. They created my drive. Their success and integrity has set the bar for anything I've ever attempted. Mitchell is so energetic and channels it to accomplish incredible feats. They both have beautiful eyes that reflect directly what is inside their souls.

Mitchell

Harrison

I'm lucky.

Happy National Brother Week.

Lake Tekapo. Sweet as.

2011-07-31T00:41:00.000-04:00

Our first week training at Round Hill has been really great. Lots of refreshing sensations. I've tasted adrenaline again and I'm hooked. We've had some good conditions for me to jump in GS and SuperG gates and feel the cold wind in my face and the much-missed arm bruises. I'm learning to pace myself and push myself. And enjoy myself. With no blackberry and scarce internet, I'm all caught up with the Kardashians and reading a terrific and tragic book called Three Day Road. Our team had a day off today and walked down to the lake for some team bonding. Check out the pics on annagoody.ca. Next stop, Coronet Peak.
With my whole heart, thank you for all the encouraging emails these last couple weeks. They're the strength when I don't have any.

New Zealand, here I come :)

2011-07-13T14:34:00.001-04:00

My last week of training in Calgary with the team is coming to a close and I'm pumped. My quads but also my drive. I've been working my hardest to keep this comeback moving forward. This week I was either going to have a tough conversation with the Team staff or a good one. We had a good one. It was good because my hard work's timeline is merging well with that of my teammates'. I will be going to New Zealand for just over a month of on-snow training on July 24. We have a great dynamic and I'm so happy to be surrounded by tough chicks and smart staff. There will always be challenges but I choose to accept both the ones I like and the ones I don't like. Velodrome was a challenge I didn't like, but now it's my new favourite way of doing intervals. With that said, 'favourite' and 'intervals' should not be in the same sentence. Anyway, I'm excited for New Zealand because I earned it to be there and I will be able to continue reaching my strength and conditioning goals alongside my closest friends and teammates. I didn't earn it alone and there are a handful of people that I would pack in my ski bag if I could. But their support has and continues to allow me to overcome daily obstacles like it's my job. It is my job. And what a job. Ski racing is unique, exhilarating, grueling, fun and addictive. I wouldn't want it any other way.

On a sidenote, I've finally accepted that I'm just not a daily blogger, nor a weekly one. So I've joined twitter to help me be more update-ful. Follow me @larisaYurkiw.

Nobody mondays like we monday

2011-06-26T20:13:00.004-04:00

My team (a few of us anyway). Myself, Anna, Erin, Eve, Mitch and MP

Reason for lung burn

Bowmont's Boxing Club

Tomorrow will be the 3rd Monday of my dryland camp in Calgary. There are too many new stimuli to have a case of the Mondays out here. New teammates, new types of training, new digs. I've really appreciated training with teammates again. These girls are strong and aggressive and it makes for a high intensity of training balanced with a high intensity of fun. (Actually, my fun as of late is documented well with photos on Anna Goodman's blog.) Speaking of balance, our team is really lucky to have such a diverse training week. Besides the two days a week that we do the homework part (strength training indoors), we box, we do gymnastics, we do our sprints at the velodrome and we do balance in a forest in Canmore. And my new digs are perfect for everything I do there (eat and sleep). I guess that's not all I do. I am trying to get through a book called Room. I'm trying to beat my highest score in Scrabble. And I'm trying to watch all the videos on Ted.com.

As for my physical ability and whether I can play hard yet or not, I'm closing that gap everyday. My strength has continued to improve since my scope in February. My endurance is improving with each lung burn at the velodrome. And my confidence is improving with each new experience that I work through successfully.

I miss everyone at home. I miss movie nights and wing nights and field sessions and hikes up the Peaks at dusk. But it's all those things that have become a part of me that have allowed me to do so well out here. Well, I can always do without wing nights...

Thank you to everyone who teaches me of my own strength.

Pink is in.

2011-05-13T13:10:00.000-04:00

I don't actually like pink that much but the magnolia tree in front of my parents house finally bloomed and it's the most beautiful decoration a house could have. Today it's even more stunning because the day is so grey. What a trait to have. When all around you is plain and unexciting and you're still lit up with that pink in your cheeks. Teach me, Magnolia.

Maybe there's something about this phenomenon in my psychology text books. I'm enjoying my courses, I love to learn. Last night, I learned that my kitty doesn't like country music. I love to study hard, prepare, write tests and find out my mark. This process is very black and white to me. I put in the time, or not, and get a mark reflecting my effort. I crave that left-brained work that my courses offer me. Recovering from my knee injury is grey like this weather. I have been explained by a friend that the past 16 months of therapy and training has been my studying and prep. My exam will be competition. I've never known of a single psychology course that takes upwards of 16 months.... but that's the beauty of life. L'il Wayne says, "Everybody dies but not everybody lives." I know I'm living because I laugh and cry and feel and move and swim and savour. I can't always control when emotions arise, but I can control my response. Pouting is not an effective response. The pink magnolia doesn't pout. So neither will I.

Next month, I will move to Calgary to train with my teammates. I am both excited and anxious. I almost made the mistake of committing to a place without a bed. That would be a long camp. However, with no bed you don't risk waking up on the wrong side of it. That would be something the magnolia would say. I got a bed. Calgary will be great. Change is, generally, healthy. Like air. Air is neat in that it's best in high pressure situations. My goal is to be more like air... and magnolias.

Happy Friday.

On the road again...

2011-04-19T19:52:00.002-04:00

I knew that I missed skiing... this week has reminded me of the reasons. I missed the way the snow looks like diamonds on a blue-sky morning. I missed the silent chairlift rides with the cold air biting my nose, the feeling of my downhill suit giving my body a big hug, the forces of a well-balanced Giant Slalom turn. I missed the hotel rooms, the plastic keycard to my temporary home, the magic of new towels and a made bed every day. But what's most magical of all is the excitement of being 'back'. Ironically, I don't feel back at all. I feel forward and in control. When my brother, Mitch, threw my bags in the back of his truck to take me to the airport he said, "Are you ready?" Maybe he knew the entirety of 'ready'. I am calm and determined as I go after my dreams, once again.

Baba turns 100

2011-03-03T18:38:00.001-05:00

February 24th marked my grandma's 100th birthday. And, evidently, the saying is often true that men marry their mothers... my mom's birthday is on February 24th as well. In celebration, my family met up in Winnipeg, Manitoba for a weekend of champagne, cake and cards. We have a fairly small family so when we round up 14 people for a birthday, we've done pretty well. Mary was thankful but has always felt uncomfortable when there's any fuss over her. My brother's and I assured her that we were only there for the cake and perogies. And perogies we had. When we were younger, we would get Baba to make perogies during our visit and then fly home with them in our carry-on. The first day, we picked up 4 dozen perogies from the local church luncheon and I've never tasted anything so fluffy. Mmmm. Baba's not able to make perogies anymore but her sister probably could. That's Auntie Nellie and I at the party. She's only 97. Ha.

And this is Baba reading her card from the Queen. She also received a card from Stephen Harper. It's nice that they recognize centurions. Born in 1911, Baba lived through an incredible 100 years. She has memories of both World Wars.

The three days in Winnipeg were extremely cold but so warm on the heart. I always love to have my family under the same roof. No, not always. At 3am when I'm trying to sleep and my brother's are snoring in sync, I don't love it. And when I eat a soggy pretzel from the bowl because my little cousin has sucked the salt off, I don't love it. But family cannot be defined by snoring and soggy pretzels. I love them with my whole heart and I hope we all have a 100 years of life in us. Cheers.

Three's a charm and so is Max.

2011-02-07T16:40:00.000-05:00

February 4th, 2011 marked my third visit to the OR for the betterment of my knee mobility. I did a whole lot of shrugging my shoulders when asked how I felt about another surgery. This was just something I had to do. I tried to remain positive about yet another hurdle. Afterall, I was fairly confident this wouldn't be one of those hurdles followed by a pit of water that the steeple chase athletes jump over. It's been straightforward and fairly painless. Crutches one day, walking the next. I think this is what people meant a year ago when they said knee surgery is a breeze. With that said, the anxiety was high while Mom and I waited for my turn. It probably didn't help that the Toronto Star's crossword occupying our minds was Friday's... the most difficult next to Saturday's. Fortunately, when I needed an intellectual break, I thought of Max. He's the newest addition to the Yurkiw family. I tried not to fall too hard, too fast, but I can honestly say I love him. When I thought of him in my stupid gown and plastic booties, my heart would melt.

In addition to Max lifting my spirits, Saturday was a big race at Georgian Peaks. My friend, Sarah, and I had front row seats. It would be the first time my mom and dad went head to head. Very serious. Mom put down two quick times just ahead of my dad but they both skied well. Correction: they both tried hard. Anyway, sunshine and good company was the best medicine for me. Today I was feeling well enough to do my weekly pilates class. Tomorrow I will conquer the world. Or just do my rehab exercises.

Emotions aside...

2011-01-15T19:44:00.001-05:00

Emotions aside, this has been my month thus far.

I fell asleep before midnight on New Year's Eve. I lost my Grandma on New Year's Day. I found a new level of sadness. I made a lemon tart pie. I learned I will need another surgery. I learned how to deal with it. I played my first game of double's squash. I walked my friend's dog. I rubbed his belly. I mixed the remainder of his treats with my Lifesavers in my pocket. I learned it doesn't taste good. I skied more. I skied faster. I watched my brother ski fastest. I tried to take credit for his win. I left laundry in the washing machine for a week. I watched the Men's Downhill in Wengen. I did the crossword. I drank a beer in celebration of Ukrainian New Year's.

I went

2010-12-19T15:22:00.000-05:00

Today, I went skiing. I have been waiting for the perfect day... but realized there wouldn't be one. I just needed to go. So this morning, Mitchell, my brother, said, "Let's go!", and I went. The sky was grey (just like my jacket) and the snow was used, but it was just what I needed. A quiet environment with Mitch who just wanted a couple runs. Simplicity. I stood at the top and wondered what would happen when I started to feel momentum for the first time in one year. I knew how to click in my bindings, I knew how to skate to the lift, but making that first turn was genuinely nerve-racking. The first run was ugly. I was stiff, scared and exhausted at the bottom. The second run was just me and the snow and I finally felt in control of my future. As I was getting ready, I told Mitch that none if it felt strange. Ironically, that's what felt strange... the comfort. On a sidenote, instead of using the word comfort, I wanted to say content, or contentness. I looked it up on thesaurus.com and one of the options was "fat dumb and happy". I feel a little fat from last night's dinner and I feel happy, but not dumb. It didn't fit.

Last night's dinner was incredible. I hosted my first Christmas party ever with 14 guests so close to my heart. Each person invited played a major role in my recovery and what better time of year to thank them than Christmas. It was so important to me that I show, via food and wine, how appreciative I am. Thank you with my whole heart. I could've filled a concert hall with everyone that deserves a thank you dinner. You know who you are.

Love,
Larisa.

Sleepy in Sakana

2010-12-14T22:40:00.002-05:00

As I sit here at one of my favourite sushi restaurants in Calgary, I assess my last 48 hours.

Monday. Functional testing. Kent (team physio) asks me to jump onto a bench and then jump off, landing on one leg. Sounds easy enough. My first thought is, "Can I do this?" I do it. Second thought is, "Of course I can." Then, I no longer rid my uncertainty, but hand myself a bout of confidence. In addition to confidence, inspiration is sold by the barrel at these facilities. Training alongside bobsledders and speed skaters is the only time (since first grade) that I feel petite. You wouldn't believe the pistons these athletes have as legs.

Tuesday. Start the day by stepping on the scale. Then I take my clothes off so Nancy can pinch my body in 23 different places. Soon after, I'm discussing the numbers with my trainer, Matt Jordan. Both legs have continued to improve in size. Next, we see about single-leg jumping. Again, sounds easy enough. I take one jump and make a mental note to swallow my pride before the next attempt. It helps. My second and third are an improvement but clearly show which direction my program is headed.

With all that said, I received two 'oks' to ski. I will wait to hear from Dr. Litchfield, the only person who saw the inside of my knee for four hours, for the final 'ok'. After all, it's his handiwork that I trust the most. And his judgement. A year ago this Thursday, I fell. I don't know if I can say, truthfully, that it's the best thing that ever happened to me, but I'm getting there. I've tried so hard to remain grateful for everything this experience has offered me, without denying myself the necessary mourning that I still experience today.

The holidays are knocking at our doors and I hope that each of us is given the time for whatever we feel important. Time to rest, time to run, time for fun and fooling around. Time for sincerity and prosperity. Time to mend and time to remember. Time to plan and prepare. A New Year is next in line and brings with it promise and potential for all things bigger and better. Welcome, 2011.

Pythagoras said, "Eleven is the number of a cycle of new beginnings."

This month's horoscope.

2010-12-09T17:17:00.000-05:00

According to Jonathan Cainer, I'm doing my best. My only advice to Cainer is that he should give people that number to call at the bottom before shit hits the fan. No. That'd be silly. Surprises equal lessons. Except the pie-in-the-face surprise... what are you supposed to learn from that? Don't ever have a birthday again??

Thank you, Mother Nature, but seriously.

2010-12-07T14:46:00.004-05:00

I love waking up to the serenity of a fresh snowfall. Sounds are muffled and thoughts are calmed. It started snowing 3 days ago and has piled up over 100cm of snow in Collingwood. The act of rushing somewhere is impossible in this winter wonderland, making the pace feel slow. Everyone, generally, gets to where they want to go. They may have tested out the snow bank on the way or have a few hand prints on their bumper from good samaritans pushing them along. Nonetheless, the obvious chaos of such sudden and extreme weather seems to bring people together.

With this new white blanket, Georgian Peaks is calling my name. I'm almost ready. I have a few more loose ends to tie up in the gym and another follow-up with my surgeon, and then I can have my dessert. I'm stronger than the month before, but I am not yet stronger than the year before. I'm leaving for Calgary on Sunday to meet up with Matt Jordan, team trainer. He and I will determine my progress, my next phase and discuss the first days on snow. I can guarantee I will have some serious foot cramps. I wore my ski boots in a photo shoot yesterday and could barely stay standing. I also gave myself severe frostbite from an icing session on my calf which may be sensitive outside. However, besides my physical reaction to skiing for the first time in a year, I look so forward to the mental stimulation. Just to be in my gear with skis under me will mean that I accomplished yet another goal. I accept the long road ahead of me from my first run down Georgian Peaks to my first run at the Lake Louise downhill. Each week presents a new hurdle with different severity and different tools required, but I feel as though I own a shop now. I have learned so much about myself and what I need to be successful. Of course, some days I feel that I've sharpened one tool and I turn around to find five more that are so dull I feel like throwing them out. But if I turn around just one more time, I will find yet another tool that will help me see the big picture more clearly. Besides tools, I have people. I continue to meet incredible souls with genuine hearts and big minds. Now that I've been home for almost a year, I feel that I'm living as normal a life as I know. And I'm comfortable. Sometimes I wonder what that means. But the second I question if I've grown so comfortable that I have little drive remaining, I get angry deep in my soul. I have unfinished business and I need to learn more about my potential. I know, now, that my physical ability is directly related with my confidence and aggression. The more I heal, the hungrier I get. I want my dessert. But I appreciate and respect the meal.

My mom will laugh at this one. Somehow, I made my knee recovery into a story about food. She says every memory I have as a child has to do with food... my first fruit roll-up, those peach dumplings, the giant muffins from Costco.

The moral is that I like food and I like snow. Don't you?

You, Me and Suzuki

2010-11-01T21:50:00.000-04:00

Ok, just Suzuki and I, not you. I'm ridin' solo this week in Calgary. But I am driving a rental Suzuki while I'm here. It's amazing how comfortable I feel 'on the road'. I've missed it. I was telling my mom the other day that I feel as though I've lost my need for independence. I feel I'm less of a hermit and enjoy company much more than years before. She didn't agree. She said that in the past, I would have one or two weeks off before heading back with the team and I always took that time to be alone. She thinks I'm still a hermit, but have never had to be in my cave for months on end. Why, even when it comes to hermitism, are moms always right? Y'know what else she's right about... my hair. How bad it is. All the time. Last week I did an interview with Sportsnet and the interviewer had to pour some of his water from his water bottle into my hands so I could slick my hair down and get rid of the supposed fuzziness. It conflicted with the background. Hmm.

So in Calgary I've made a home at the Four Points hotel. I'm writing this blog propped up on six fluffy pillows. C'est la vie. Alors, c'est le vie que j'aime. Mais, je n'ai pas besoins de beaucoup. Anyway, the purpose of this week is to touch base with the team physio, team doctor and team trainer. Oh and team dentist and team chiropractor. Busy. And selfish. That is a difficult side of being an athlete. The all-about-me lifestyle. I'm serious about my goals and what I want to achieve in my career. But I am not sure I will ever get comfortable with all the taking and very little giving back. Maybe that's just the way I see it. If I inspire one kid to go after what they want with their whole heart, I guess I'm giving back.

On the knee front, the front of the knee is my pain locale. All along, I have been trying hard to feel, learn and vocalize what is going on in there. I just had a great month and am really feeling like an athlete in the gym again. As I get stronger, my knee continues to remodel. With every muscle and tendon adapting to the intense program, pain is normal. And necessary. If I didn't have pain, I would worry that nothing is changing or healing. Speaking of change, the leaves have fallen and so has the snow. Mother nature, I think I'll be ready when you are.

I'll cut your green any day.

2010-09-16T17:58:00.000-04:00

I'm finishing up my second week working at Lora Bay golf course and mulling over how to sum up the job in just one paragraph. A few weeks ago, I left Calgary with a much more refined and specific program to help build my strength. It's been very effective, but very different. The length of my workout has been significantly reduced and experiencing cabin fever would be an understatement. I knew I needed something. I was playing a bit of piano, but avoiding lessons. I was reading a few books, but avoiding university courses. This job has been the right fit from day one. Maybe I've watched too many movies because when I wake up in morning, the first thing I think/whine about is, "I don't wanna go to work." But the truth is, I do. I love having a purpose at 5:30 in the morning. I love that people are counting on me to cut those greens. I love the fresh air, the brisk walking, the mild sweating... all while the town sleeps. I've witnessed some incredible sunrises over Georgian Bay with my new friends and fellow employees. They're such a genuine group of people from all walks of life. I feel a little out of place without a cigarette but they seem to treat me fairly even without the habit. I guess what happens is when they smoke, I eat. Anyway, I love learning and experiencing 'firsts'. It was my first time operating any sort of machine when I was taught how to cut the rough. I think I look pretty good up there. However, I have lots of room for improvement in order to 'feel one' with the blades. So with this new job and new approach to my rehab, I'm happy. I'm happy to be busy and efficient and tired at night. And I'm happy I saw a turkey family on the 4th hole yesterday. Two turkey parents and they're little turkey kids. And the deer. They're awesome. But the guys who rake the bunkers (where the deer play) think otherwise. All in all, working maintenance at Lora Bay has soothed my soul. I attached one picture (from inside the shop) trying to capture the beauty and the beasts.

Boots On

2010-09-02T10:53:00.001-04:00

I haven't felt that strongly about many youtube videos lately other than Jackie Evancho, an incredible ten-year-old diva who's competing on America's Got Talent. But this little boy is a true lip-sync and air-guitar sensation. Click below.

Country Toddler Lip-Syncs Perfectly

Cars

2010-08-27T16:49:00.001-04:00

the most interesting thing about a stock car race is the people

you think the people you arrive with are normal, till they watch a driver they know get into a pileup. i learned a lot of new words and phrases last night. sometimes i was more startled by the screams of the crowd than the crashes themselves. i was there to support number 55. and the number 1 mechanic, my boyfriend, Paul. it was extremely impressive what these drivers and mechanics were pulling off in order to get the cars back on the track after all types of carnage. one minute a car would be dragging its front end along the side into the pit, the next it would be back in with no front end at all. whatever it takes. and the rumble when 20 stock cars pass by your seat is unlike anything i've ever experienced. although ski racing is much more of a sprint and we turn right as well as left, there were a lot of similarities. i could feel myself 'squeezing' (much like i would on snow) in hopes of helping the drivers accelerate out of each turn. a few years ago, our team had an incredible opportunity to drive some f2 cars at the international mosport track in Bowmanville, Ontario. i think 1st gear takes you to 110km/h. and when i spun out, it taught me a lesson that resonated so greatly with my problems in ski racing. i went into a turn with a lot of heat and let off just at the apex. just like in skiing, no matter how you start the turn, you better commit otherwise you're out... with a busted spoiler on a 2 million dollar car.

speaking of cars. i have a 1990 325i bmw convertible in great condition that i've been trying to sell for a while. i bought it a couple years ago for the sole purpose of getting me from a to b during the only season i'm home, summer. however, for the first time in a long time, i will be home this winter and got myself a more appropriate means of transportation. so. you could be the next owner of this hot soft top. email me. larisayurkiw@hotmail.com. i'll include a ski lesson.

Working is the new black.

2010-08-17T19:06:00.001-04:00

Continuing with the theme of what I don't know... it turns out I don't know how to afford this rehabilitation lifestyle. So. I got a job. In September, I'll be starting work for the Georgian Bay Golf Club maintaining the course. In the spring, I started to experience withdrawal symptoms. I missed all the emotions that come with sport. Focus. Fatigue. Struggle. Success. Then, I ran into Pam Bell. Think of a big smile and a big laugh and then add an even bigger heart. This is Pam. Pam gave me more than the opportunity to play at a beautiful golf course, she gave me my livelihood. I've been playing there all summer and really enjoyed being outdoors, taking in the view, keeping score and resisting the urge to slam my putter into the green after missing the putt... for double bogey. Thank you, Miss Bell, for the gift that keeps on giving. And with this new job, my hope is to learn a new skill and meet new people. I will really benefit from some alternative stimulation that simultaneously helps my wallet. It just so happens that my soon-to-be boss is a big sports fan and completely supports me to keep my recovery a priority.

I'm getting ahead of myself. This week I'm in Calgary meeting up with my coaches and teammates for the first time in 5 months. I am so fortunate to be surrounded by a group of supportive staff. I am doing things that I believe in to help my odds of racing hard again. I've had a hard time staying patient with this process, respecting each step. I often contemplate the difference between patience and pace. If I lose sight of the goal, I can't call it patience anymore. That is not my fear. My goal of being better than before is one of the only things that has remained constant throughout all of this. With that said, today's fitness testing 'is what it is'. These numbers would be a poor effort for this time of year but, given the circumstances, I feel pleased to have a new benchmark.

I put together a video to demonstrate what I've been up to for the last few months. Starting June, I've been down and back to Waterville Valley, New Hampshire to train with Tom Barbeau. Through the Burdenko method, Tom has really helped reintroduce my left leg to its role. I've taken a lot of knowledge home with me each time and I'm so grateful to have these experiences and opportunities. So with September quickly approaching, I look forward to watching the trees shed their leaves and breathing in autumn's fresh air.

What do I know

2010-07-15T12:05:00.001-04:00

This recovery novel has had some interesting chapters complete with highs and lows on each and every page. As I read over my thoughts from previous posts, I realize that I've tried very hard to share what I'm learning from this experience. The truth is, "It takes 15 years to know that you don't know anything at all." I sincerely hope there are exceptions to that theory, as I don't have 15 years in me to figure out how to win races, or get healthy for that matter. But I respect the quote. In fact, the unknown itself is quite powerful. I had a dream a couple nights ago that I was in the start gate of my first race back. I was the last racer in the start, ready to go. There was a delay before my start and it seemed to grow darker and darker until I could barely see the fourth and fifth gates. In my mind, I stayed committed. However, I knew I wouldn't get to compete. Of course I woke up and did what anyone would've done... I thought, "What does that meeeeeeean?" Maybe the darkness signified prematurity and I'm clearly not ready to race. Fair enough. Maybe the darkness was a sign that there's still a long road ahead of me until the 'scenery' really clears up. I can handle that. Maybe the darkness simply meant that I shouldn't ski in the middle of the night. Whatever it is, I know now that I don't know anything at all.

And just to prove that... There's another quote: "So you think, you attract." Really? Tell me then, why do I continue to cross paths with incredible people with big hearts and wonderful minds when I'm tired, grumpy and sore? Do I think about the help I need, et voilà, help arrives? Well hey, at seven months post-op, I may have made a breakthrough.

July 1st marked seven months since my major knee surgery. It was also Canada's 143rd birthday. I celebrated with my native land and three other teammates in Ottawa, Ontario. Jan Hudec, Karolina Wisniewska, Julien Cousineau and I spent the day with President's Choice eating hamburgers at their Canada Day barbecue. We also invited the Queen of England but we couldn't get her to the front of our autograph line so she took off. And that was a joke. The four of us had a great time meeting people from all over the world with one thing in common, a love for this incredible country. From top to bottom, a few pictures from the archives: Le Massif, Quebec (courtesy of Shona Rubens); Red Bay, Ontario; Lake Louise, Alberta; Cyprus Lake, Ontario.

New Sensations in New Hampshire

2010-06-16T19:36:00.004-04:00

As I waited to cross the border into the US, three police officers interrogated me. Not the usual "where are you going" and "why are you going there"... but "do you know Picabo Street" and "have you ever done the big jumps at Lake Placid". Claiming that, in fact, I had not done the 'big jumps' at Lake Placid, the three stooges walked off. And I continued on to Waterville Valley.

The Barbeau's (Tom, Anne and 'T') have taken me in and treated me like family. They tease me and I tease them back. I first met Tom on a ski trip in Mont Ste. Anne, Quebec through Jimmy Pollock (ski coach for the Canadian team). I can't say I remember a lot from the workout that Tom put us through. However, I vividly remember standing there thinking, "I'm supposed to be a great athlete with worldly talent, and I can't do any of this stuff." That really stuck with me. I don't like being awful at anything, especially, when being fit is my full-time job.

It's been two weeks and I feel whole for the first time in 7 months. I have a long way to go and will continue to say that until I'm realizing my dreams every weekend. However, working out with Tom both on land and in water has really welcomed my left leg back into my total body awareness. The balance and uniqueness of these land and water exercises gives me freedom of movement. So simple, but feeling this way again, feeling athletic, it brings tears to my eyes. It's fairly inappropriate to cry during a workout so I just pretend I have something in both eyes.

So I'm heading home with a book full of exercises that will keep my mobility healthy while I continue to get strong. But more than the book, I'm heading home with the realization that when I get back on my skis, I will be able to play hard once again. This has been an incredible experience for me and I have made lifelong friendships. Again, I don't know what I did to deserve all this care and kindness. I have been a dark person at times throughout this healing process. I can only hope to continue showing my appreciation through my actions every day.

Welcome, June.

2010-05-29T20:41:00.003-04:00

May was good. I’m happy with May. My return home from Mexico marked a new chapter… my fitness phase, or craze, or blaze (since we’ve had Mexico-like weather in Ontario). I sweat profusely at workouts. But Sarah doesn’t care. Sarah Applegarth is my new trainer. We’ve known each other for years. She instructed my fitness testing when I was 13 years old. I remember her telling me I wasn’t working hard enough because my face showed nothing. (I’m an expert at wearing masks but this time I wished to be an open book.) Her experience, confidence and attention to detail are going to be the perfect ingredients to ensure my return to snow.

So for the first time in months, I’m especially thankful for weekends. May 24 was celebrated with Shona and her boyfriend, Andrew, from Canmore, Alberta. We had a ball. Quite literally. At my family’s cottage in Red Bay, we played a par 10 to the pier and back. Our skill sets in golf are directly related with our natural athletic abilities. Actually, all of us in the picture went to the Olympics this year except for Andrew, my brother, Mitchell, and me. While I’m speaking of the team, I’ll have you know a fellow Collingwoodite has taken the job as my assistant coach. Blog readers, meet Dave White. Over a game of golf, we had a chance to share. I shared my double-bogey golf, and he shared his brain. I look forward to reaping the benefits of his experience, insight and, well, brilliance.

So after Shona and Andrew left, I had a follow-up with Dr. Litchfield (my surgeon) to discuss my fitness testing results and most recent surgery. Through a series of exercises monitored by a computer, it was determined that my left quad is 40% weaker than my right. The hamstring is just 15% weaker but fatigued after one repetition. I like numbers. And I like muscles. So, I think this is going to work out. I’m going to work out, I mean. With regards to my hospital visit in mid-April, I had a manipulation. For medically weathered eyes, you can see the type of procedure that gave me 30 degrees further flexion in a matter of minutes by clicking here.

On Friday, I was fit for a custom knee brace. I was very opposed to wearing a brace in the beginning. I didn’t want anything acting on my knee’s behalf. But I’m over it. My knee has been so cooperative through everything and I think it might like something to hold its hand once in a while. This injury has built an addition on my original foundation of independence... but I wouldn't want anything that blocks the view. This knee brace is a form of help for my knee in the same way laughter is for my heart or ice cream is for my soul. Did I say ice cream? I meant Mississippi mud pie. Nonetheless, consider my pride swallowed.

Happy June.

Mexico, etc.

2010-05-14T21:00:00.003-04:00

Emily Brydon and Shona Rubens are retired now. Of course, we had to go away to a paradise in Mexico to make it official...

So when I arrived in Huatulco (via Mexico City) with Anna Prchal and Shona, we were met by our 'driver', Eduardo, and he assured us it would be an hour and a half to the resort, an hour fifteen at best. An hour later we arrived at our resort. Thank goodness Eduardo was driving 3 ski racers. This crazy Mexican made up 15 minutes and I was still thinking, "Aww, he could've taken that corner a little tighter..." Talk about 'are we there yet?' When we arrived, the rest of the girls were there to greet us complete with warm hugs from close friends and a few new introductions. Not even 24 hours later it felt like we had all known eachother for years.

So in the 8 days I was there, I witnessed all levels of surfing, a night of dancing with locals, a night of dancing with foreigners, a turtle lay its eggs on the beach, a Mexican men vs. Canadian women soccer game, a belly flop competition between stingrays, a show-off performance from dolphins and a knee rebelling the return home.

Speaking of the return home, my flight out of Huatulco was delayed causing me to run (I don't run yet) to my next flight only to get the raised eyebrows and pursed lips of the Air Canada guy... shit. So I spent the next five hours people-watching at arrivals until Anna's flight came in. Considering how bitter I was to be missing my family's Mother's day festivities, people-watching happens to be another hobby of mine. This one older couple was adorable as they struggled with their bags while simultaneously feeding eachother ice cream. And one man was clad in a strict business suit with a strict face to match only to be greeted by his 5-year-old girl sprinting towards him. He dropped everything to hold her tight. Ironically, he still had his strict face on but a tear rolled down his cheek. Then I started wondering what people see when they people-watch me? I couldn't find a seat so I was camped out on my bag. The combination of not getting home and dealing with a really angry knee left the remains of my mascara all over my face. Maybe I shouldn't be so critical of other people.

Anyway, below are a few pictures of my adventure to, at and from Casarubia.... the place, the game, the girls, the cake, the fish, the Holiday Inn Dali.

Dinner and Dessert

2010-04-10T12:13:00.002-04:00

Dinner was to be my trip out to Calgary. I flew out on Wednesday planning to stay 10 days for some hard work alongside my fellow teammates (the injured ones) and touch base with the medical staff. But here's what happened instead... I was on the bike, the stationary still because hopping on my buddy's mountain bike felt very premature complete with the shakes and running a red light. So knowing I'd see my surgeon in a half hour's time, I crammed. I biked hard to get my knee joint gliding as clean as possible. Dad says when a knee is healthy, it glides 100 times smoother than an ice cube on a freshly zambonied rink. I think my knee right now is much like that, but with hockey gloves and sticks all over the surface. Hence my news and latest blog post. So, I hopped up on the table to show my surgeon how well I was doing and before long I was signing papers and filling out a questionnaire about my heart's conditions and if I had any breathing problems. Normally, I'd check no. But finding out I have to go to the hospital on Wednesday changed my heart's condition as well as my respiratory function... If a heart could frown, mine was. It turns out I've done "a really good job", but I need a boost. I will go in this week, be put under anesthetic to eliminate any reaction to pain, so that Dr. Litchfield can bend my knee with sheer force. This will give me the flexion I've tried so hard to achieve with Marla, Annalisa and my dad.

I've had to leave my heart out of different moments of this journey. I do black and white very well, but times like these prove to be so grey that only my robotic self can stand in. So be it. As long as some form of me is getting through this. Yes. That's something else I've learned. Just when you think you've got it all figured out, the proverbial rug is pulled so hard from underneath you that you didn't even realize you were standing on one. Not until my feet start getting cold do I understand fully how little I understand, fully.

Onto dessert, one thing I know for sure is my flight itinerary to Mexico on April 29th. Emily Brydon is having her retirement/30th birthday party in Casarubia on the southwestern side of Mexico. There will be a beach, an ocean, a great group of girls and a great group of drinks all in favour of a good time. A few of us were able to discuss this good time at Emily's on Thursday night. Anna Goodman's blog has details of our serious and structured meeting. I was hesitant to book a trip away from my rehab crew. I will miss them. But I know this was a good decision for some soul time. I laugh so hard with these girls. And I know I will be very much at home alongside fellow and former knee injuries.

So... dinner and dessert. Not what I ever anticipated for my April 2010 but what life served up.

2010-03-26T09:24:00.001-04:00

One of these days I will introduce you to my pit crew, the people physically giving me my health back one day at a time. For now, I wanted to share a couple pictures that were sent to me that have proven to be equally as helpful. The first is a picture Dufferin Elementary made for me a week after my crash. They are my next door neighbours as well as the school I went to until sixth grade. They are also a whole bunch of dragons... the Dufferin dragons. Interestingly enough, I am a dragon, the chinese kind. Anyway, the picture is beautiful and very well done, clad with a helmet and skis. Thank you, Dufferin. "Once a dragon, always a dragon."

The next is a picture made for me by a true fan. But more than that, she's a true friend. Gillian Reason has been front and center since I stepped foot at the ski club in the New Year with a big smile and an even bigger hug. Being fellow Peaks members and two of the fastest girls at the club, we have a lot in common. Thanks, girl, for the picture. We will rip it up next year, k?

Lost and Found

2010-03-10T20:00:00.000-05:00

January 1st, 2010.. I don't remember feeling very peaceful. But then again I don't remember much.

Clearly feeling better on January 10th, 2010...

and better still, on February 20th, 2010, trying out my ski boots.

There was a time when I was lost. I was laying there like a baby in my hospital bed for 48 hours thinking only as far as my next meal.. and that I didn't want it. In the beginning, I heard everything everyone was saying, "...you'll be fine" "I've had that before, it's no biggie" and the famous "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger". I had mixed feelings about those comments. Firstly, I was always well aware that I'd be fine, but that word sucks. Who says, "I'm fine" and actually means it? I've lived my whole life better than fine, why stop now? As for the 'no biggie', I'm also aware that it can always be worse. But I allowed myself to mourn anyway. But I do believe all this has made me stronger. Ironically, I feel stronger because I'm more at ease with being weak. I feel stronger because I am ok with having questions I don't know the answers to. I feel stronger because I may not have much of a quad, but I have an invaluable perspective that I will be adding to my toolkit.

Puck Dropping

2010-03-05T20:13:00.002-05:00

On Wednesday night I was asked to drop the puck at the Harry Lumley Bayshore for an OHL game (Owen Sound Attack vs. London Knights). This is my second puck drop but my FIRST jersey with my name on the back. Luckily it fits just right so my dad won't adopt it for his own games. Although it'd be nice if I had that character trait that allows one to share. No, I do share. I can share my jerseys. But I don't share chocolate anything very well, unless the guy is really special. Anyway, it was an absolute honour to be invited to the game and be introduced to the town that's so warmly supported me through the ups and the most recent down.

2010-03-04T18:42:00.000-05:00

Let's talk cardio. Wikipedia claims that I'm operating the elliptical in the red zone... maximum effort. Well, I think I'd agree. The problem is that this red zone used to be my off-white-maybe-a-hint-of-yellow zone called maintenance. I'm blown away at the lung burn I feel without having pressed the 'on' button. With that said, I'm so grateful for my familiarity with that pain. The machine says to discontinue use if experiencing shortness of breath. I know there are people out there that take that seriously. So... with all these new ways of experiencing discomfort, inspiration is much needed. Every couple weeks I watch Ligety rip it up on youtube or replay video of some on-hill training I'm proud of to get my thoughts rolling in that direction. It's far off but I like reaffirming that a new and improved me is the goal, not just full range of motion. Wanted to share a video that ties up 'a year in the life'.

Book Report

2010-03-02T20:07:00.002-05:00

You probably don't know this about me but I am currently the Guinness World Record holder for longest span of time it took one person to read 'Pillars of the Earth' by Ken Follett. I know. You'd think with all this spare time I'd have completed it in no time. Well the honest truth is that I started it in October while away on a trip. As I approached the halfway point, Follett started talking about Richard. Well, I hadn't even been introduced to Richard, let alone his sister and their ill father. I realized that 80 pages of the book were nowhere to be found. So when I got back home I went to the used book store and told the owner what had happened. Once she was finished smoking like a chimney, she exchanged my book for one with each page intact. Well... I can't say I've hated the book. I'm very interested in the architectural aspects as I worked for a stone mason for a couple summers. But I have to admit, I think I'm only finishing the novel in hopes of a (cliche) happy ending. At this point, a happy ending might be something like the residents of Kingsbridge not getting their town set fire to or Jack not getting killed and leaving his wife and two kids. Something like that would please me, Mr.Follett.

So. If anyone has a suggestion for a novel complete with happiness, summer, success, chocolate, animals, sex (of course, not all together), please share.

Forgive me blogger, for I have sinned. It's been one month since my last entry.

2010-02-18T10:51:00.002-05:00

I've been neglecting this blogging thing feeling like I don't have a lot to say. But the truth is I've made big improvements since my last entry. Last week I took the crutches away and am walking most of the day without. It's not pretty, but it's walking! I also am nearing 80 degrees of flexion which is close to a full revolution on the bike. All very small steps but exciting nonetheless. I've learned to knit. I've also learned to pull what I've knit out because I've sewn in such large holes and added 17 stitches every row. But it's difficult wool to work with, ok. I've also sighted my VMO (quad muscle). I've been at the gym every few days. It feels good to just walk in there. My program has a similar structure to what I'm familiar with... the warm up, the strength and balance, the cool down. However, the one big difference is the sans-sweating. I've been cold since surgery 6 weeks ago so the hoodie comes with me to my workout as well. But in general, I am always pleased at how far I have come from even a week prior.

Upwards and onwards.

My Olympic experience. I enjoyed watching the girls yesterday. I think all three of them did well for just conquering that monster of a course. I can't often say this from a racer's point of view, but I was happy when my teammates were safely through the finish line. And what a point of view this has been. I can guarantee I'm experiencing the Olympics more than most Olympians... I haven't missed an event yet! I've embraced the bittersweetness of this situation and feel that it's just a different way of being at the Games. You know, with all the pressure that is put on the athletes to have incredible performances, I just hope they are all able to soak in the experience. If there's one thing I've learned from watching the Games from the couch, it's that the relaxed ones are winning. It made me so happy to hear Maelle Ricker's gold medal interview... The reporter asked her if there was anything she'd like to say to Canada. She said, "I want everyone to know we're having a lot of fun out here and enjoying every moment. I hope you are too!" How quickly 'fun' is forgotten by the viewers during the Olympics. But then again, if fun is one's only concern, maybe it's best to be a viewer :)

Happy Mid January

2010-01-18T22:45:00.003-05:00

I'm just about 3 weeks post-surgery. I think some people use the phrase 'simple joys'. I am simply joyful for the ability to shower instead of just bathe, for my flexibility that allows me to get my socks at the end of the bed without bending my knee, for the fact that I can hover in the deep end of a pool in 8 days, and for the clothes that arrived from my online shopping binge courtesy of lululemon. Another simple joy was getting outside on a sunny afternoon to watch a race at my ski club. Every Sunday, my brother, Mitchell, will be racing in the house league. He had the fastest time!

On a sidenote, I've had advanced healing from my cats again. Okay, okay... there's no study showing that licking helps ligament strength but it was incredibly thoughtful, Nikki.

New Year. New Knee!

2010-01-06T20:05:00.003-05:00

In the past, New Years' celebrations have been an early night to bed because of early morning training. This year, I woke up in my hospital bed five minutes after midnight with a nurse over me saying, "Happy New Year, honey." After 3 hours of surgery complete with stitches and staples, I spent two nights in the University Hospital in London with Nurse Lynda close by. Lynda's my mom. She's also my strength when I just don't have any. Below is a picture of her doing the timing for a race at Georgian Peaks. Isn't she hot?

Today is the first day I'm Yurkiwless... home alone for 24 hours. I'm doing ok. My family has not only been extremely helpful but incredible at keeping my spirits up too. The truth is that I let go of the Olympics the same second I got injured. It was devastating because of the work I put in, but I feel confident that I will get another chance. What I've started to realize is that other things were taken away in that same moment. My knee's health of course, my chance to go to the Olympics, but more than that, my independence. Little things are now big things... walking, bathing, preparing meals. That active lifestyle is what I miss the most, and what I expect to cherish the most when I'm healthy again.

With that said, I'm doing my best to stay mentally active with good reads and the odd crossword.

In addition, to our Canadian casualty list, Anna Goodman visited the surgeon today and she tore her ACL. Kudos to her optimism so soon after the injury.

Bittersweetness

2009-12-30T18:26:00.006-05:00

The last 48 hrs have been an emotional rollercoaster...

Monday afternoon. Unfortunately, my dad's secretary's father was ill and I was put in her place. This was my first shift behind a desk... ever. With a quick 101 from a former secretary/current patient, I carried the next six hours! Overwhelming and boring simultaneously, I realized it was the first time in two weeks I could be of use to someone. I can't get to the phone quick enough when someone asks, I can't wash my hair all that well, but I can reschedule someone's next chiropractic appointment and charge them the right amount for their treatment. Very refreshing.

Monday evening. The Olympic torch goes right past my doorstep. I can honestly say that as soon as I saw the flame, I crumbled. It symbolized so much. If that's not a real life metaphor, I don't know what is... Olympics runs by me while I stand on the sidelines. That was extremely difficult. With that said, I have always been and will continue to be excited for an Olympic games. In the past, I've watched both Summer and Winter Olympics with great enthusiasm and played Nagano on Nintendo for hours. This injury will take nothing away from the novelty of having them on Canadian soil.

Tuesday afternoon. Say hi to my extended family... Georgian Peaks Ski Club. I had no idea support could be so palpable. What a feeling. Just being a room full of Peaks kids and parents put a lump in my throat. They presented me with this incredible banner and, more than that, their hearts.

Lastly, Tuesday evening. I found out I have surgery Thursday. I can honestly say I'm excited to bring in the new year with a new start... and a new knee :) I will be spending a couple nights in the hospital and may even be next to Kelly, my teammate and adopted sister (although, I think she actually took me under her wing).

It's been two weeks since my life changed a little. I am deliberately documenting this time in my life in any way possible. For the purpose of healing, I am trying to embrace the good and the bad. Thank you to each of you who have made the bad a little easier to bear.

Irony at its finest.

2009-12-25T18:45:00.005-05:00

My last post bragged about my cats and their healing ways. Well, this morning I fell because a piece of Zoe's fur was covering the rubber end of my crutch. But I believe she had good intentions. With that said, the power of intent is often underestimated.

On a brighter note, 'tis the season! Merry Christmas. Having the whole family under one roof is rare and special. I read through Anna Goodman's blog and saw the festivities they had going on in the middle of Austria during their Christmas celebrations away from their families. As enjoyable as it is to be home, I do miss them. And will continue to miss them throughout the new year. That team is very much my family, extended, but family nonetheless. So I think a warm wish is in order to the frostbitten toes of my teammates.

And I'll have you know, Santa was good to me. No coal. Although I do still have a piece of month-old black licorice in my backpack that Brydon kept hiding in my stuff... From my parents, I received a sewing machine and will be sure to show you my final products. However, if I mess up (very possible) and my handmade skirt looks more like a belt, I might just delete this part of the blog. I also received 3 piano lessons from my brother. One door closes, another opens, right? One of my best friends, Sue, says that quote a lot. She finishes it with "... it's just the hallways that are a bitch." True that.

Please note that, yes, in fact, the ski racing door did close for now. I mean, physically I just can't do it right now. But that door has a very familiar doorknob and I will be back to open it in the future.

2009-12-23T09:56:00.003-05:00

Stop reading right now if you're not a cat lover.

Since I returned home last week with this temporarily dysfunctional leg, my cats have been by my side. They know. For real. They sniff around and are very careful with where they place their paws. Nikki is the daughter. If anyone's seen "Up", that new animated movie with all the balloons, Nikki is just like Dug the dog with that unconditional way of loving. Zoe (the mother of 'Dug') thinks she, no, truly believes she's human. But despite their differences, they've both been so good to me... asking quietly for breakfast, waiting patiently to be let out, even kicking old habits of lying against my legs. They know.

So anyway, googling always leads to more googling... check out the link:

http://cats.suite101.com/article.cfm/purring_helps_with_healing

Blog Post Number One.

2009-12-22T15:18:00.002-05:00

Where do you start when all of a sudden you feel the need to let people in on your life's events?? From age womb until now, I've done quite a bit. I think it's best for both you and I if I just start from now...

On Wednesday, I experienced something brand new. I earned my rite of passage into the torn knee club. The only thing I'm missing is a girl scouts badge. Although, I will get a cool battle scar on New Years. Plus a lot of time on my hands. Hence, the opening of my blog. Bear with me while I figure out what this blogging thing is for. What this will not become is a pity party site. I'm excited for a new adventure, at my fingertips.